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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22580194">The Secret Passion of Dejah Thoris</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sploot/pseuds/Sploot'>Sploot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Barsoom &amp; Related Fandoms, Barsoom - Edgar Rice Burroughs, Game of Thrones (TV), John Carter (2012)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>International Fanworks Day 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:00:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22580194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sploot/pseuds/Sploot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You wished for the deaths of Arya Stark, Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow when we viewed the 'Game of Thrones' program from Jasoom. Do not deny what you know to be true. This story fulfills your wishes. You are your own Mary Sue, Dejah Thoris."</p><p>"I am not!" I said, petulantly slapping my hand on the table before me. "Many people of both planets will have wished for the death of Jon Snow. He is portrayed by a stone-faced actor who can say no more than 'Yarmuh kweeeen,' whatever in the name of Iss that might mean. The acrobatic skills of Arya Stark are not believable, such are not taught to assassins. It is she who is the Mary Sue, not I."<br/><i>---</i></p><p>  <i>In which Thuvia of Ptarth discovers an embarrassing secret.</i></p><p>  <i>Submitted in response to the prompt: "characters discovering fanworks about themselves."</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dejah Thoris/Thuvia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Secret Passion of Dejah Thoris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I knew that Thuvia of Ptarth brought trouble into my laboratory when she dismissed my assistants, activated the electronic security field and placed a telepathic screen of her own about our thoughts.</p><p>&lt;&lt;Dejah Thoris, have you read this?&gt;&gt; she asked, sliding a data pad across to me. I saw the site from the Jasoomian Internet known as “Archive Of Our Own” on its screen.</p><p>&lt;&lt;We successfully prevented any sequel to the moving picture known as &lt;John Carter&gt;,&gt;&gt; she continued. &lt;&lt;And thereby kept the Jasoomians unaware of our presence. But this so-called &lt;fan fiction&gt; comes far closer to an accurate description of both you and I, though set in a multi-episode story told by the drunken Jasoomians Benioff and Weiss, known as incompetent fools even on our distant planet.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;It was first a written story,&gt;&gt; I said, unable to restrain my words. &lt;&lt;A far superior tale in that form.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;As you say,&gt;&gt; Thuvia dismissed what was, in truth, a trivial point. &lt;&lt;I am speaking of the story titled &lt;Dejah Thoris, Princess of House Mormont&gt;.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;Why does it anger you so?&gt;&gt; I asked, though I already suspected that she suspected the truth.</p><p>&lt;&lt;I believe that this was written by you,&gt;&gt; my sister of the heart said. &lt;&lt;There are too many indicators of your authorship.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;How can you say that?&gt;&gt; I countered. &lt;&lt;It is wretched prose, filled with references to inter-species sex and to extreme violence. It is a tale told by an idiot.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;You have attempted to disguise your authorship by purposefully employing weak sentence structures, unbelievable dialog and overuse of tired tropes.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;I am a princess, and a scientist. I would not waste my valuable time or my talents on this so-called &lt;fan fiction&gt;.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;There are 731 references to breasts, and 112 references to receiving orgasm,&gt;&gt; Thuvia pursued her point. &lt;&lt;Your obsessions with these topics are well known.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;Many people have such obsessions. And I am not among them.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;What writer of Jasoom would know of the Venerable Uhnkt?&gt;&gt; Thuvia asked. &lt;&lt;They only know of Barsoom and its culture through the insipid adventure stories told by your husband John Carter, who is well known to be less intelligent than a spavined thoat.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;Do not insult my beloved, sister of my heart. He is dear to me.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;You view him as a monster and regularly hope for his death. You have always spoken in your sleep. And you wished for the deaths of Arya Stark, Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow when we viewed the &lt;Game of Thrones&gt; program from Jasoom. Do not deny what you know to be true. This story fulfills your wishes. You are your own Mary Sue.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;I am not!&gt;&gt; I said, petulantly slapping my hand on the table before me. &lt;&lt;Many people of both planets will have wished for the death of Jon Snow. He is portrayed by a stone-faced actor who can say no more than &lt;<em>Yarmuh kweeeen</em>,&gt; whatever in the name of Iss that might mean. The acrobatic skills of Arya Stark are not believable, such are not taught to assassins. It is she who is the Mary Sue, not I. And Daenerys Targaryen is clearly insane and worthy of decapitation. These complaints are not unique to me. Have you not studied the Internet of Jasoom?&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;My sweet sister,&gt;&gt; Thuvia said, her anger easing as her thoughts took on the flavor of pity. &lt;&lt;You have not yet posted the chapter in which Daenerys loses her head.&gt;&gt;</p><p>I bowed my own head. My sister had broken through my deception.</p><p>&lt;&lt;I wish it be to be real,&gt;&gt; I said, trying to stifle the hot tears now running down my face. &lt;&lt;I wish that I had four more sisters, that you and I lived in a land with no responsibility to the House of Tardos Mors, where we had adventures and sex and tasty foods, and where John Carter could not command me.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;Dejah Thoris, you know that it is forbidden to interact with the Internet of Jasoom. The Jasoomians are unaware that our civilization exists, thanks to the tireless work of the Security Corps broadcasting false images of a dead planet. You threaten all of Barsoom with your carelessness.&gt;&gt;</p><p>I now wept openly.</p><p>&lt;&lt;Do not be so upset, my sister,&gt;&gt; Thuvia continued. &lt;&lt;I will help you insert your story into the so-called &lt;Archive of Our Own&gt; without detection. I wish to see happens when I return as a character in this story. But you must portray me as noble, brave and beautiful.&gt;&gt;</p><p>&lt;&lt;I shall do so.&gt;&gt;</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dejah Thoris: Princess of House Mormont is an actual fanfic, also written by Dejah Thoris and posted by me on her behalf. Click on my user name to find it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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